i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
