garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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