i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
