And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
