Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
