After last night, I could never be a politician.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
