on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
