Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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