i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
