im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
