I wannas sexs uuuuu
she looked like the before picture.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
