Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
