he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
