i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
