my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
