my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
