he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
