I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
