dude i'm inner monologue high
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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