Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
