nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
