Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
