I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
