I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Floor bacon is actually really good
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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