Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
