i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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