Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
