His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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