at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
