No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
