So drunk its hurt
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
