I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
only you would photoshop your dick
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
