broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
