It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Vodka?
Forever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
