why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
