the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
