whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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