i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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