There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
