My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Be still, my beating vagina.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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