oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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