Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
