My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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