So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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