I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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