if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
