I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
