So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
