please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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