i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
