Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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