Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
