this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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