Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Randomize
