it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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