I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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