my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
