I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
