i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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