i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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