My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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