So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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