Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
