She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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