Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
