Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
