I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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