Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
did i just pee glitter
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
