the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
